Mallory doesn’t know this about me. Well…she knew but thought I was joking. I wanted to be the brown Jackie Collins. So high melodrama and romance used to be my thang…ages ago. Now, my romantic, gooey center is covered by a hard shell of cynicism—like an anti-romance M&M. I say all of that to say that my perspective might be vastly different from my partner in crime, which is a good thing. Why would you want to read book reviews written from two people with the same point of view?

So here’s my Honest Synopsis of What Happens in Vegas. Wait. Sorry. Waking up Married, by Mira Lynn Kelly:

Girl gives up on finding Mr. Right and decides to hit the sperm bank for unconditional love. Girl gets drunk in Las Vegas with a trio of mean girls. Girl asks boy to do her a “solid” and pretend to leave the bar with her so she won’t get made fun of.

Boy just got dumped by fiancé. Decides, “What the hell?” and takes girl up on offer. Once boy learns girl hates love and is heading for the filled syringe, he thinks he found his kindred and they drink the night away.

Girl wakes up married! Girl freaks out because she doesn’t remember any of it and wants an annulment. Boy is like, “no way!” and tries to change her mind. Boy offers girl a love free relationship; one that is a partnership, like friends with bennies. Girl cautiously agrees, provided there are no bennies. Boy attempts to break down girl’s defenses and basically romances her until she gives in.

Of course girl is in love with boy. Once boy realizes, he freaks out and starts acting like a douche. Girl finds out boy is incapable of love and finally leaves boy.

You know how this ends…like a Lifetime movie.

Oh, did I mention, boy is super-hot and rich?! Well this wouldn’t be a Harlequin romance if he was a schlubby truck driver now would it?

I am pretty sure Mallory’s honest synopsis was way shorter.

Now for the meat in this love sandwich of a book.  I have to be real, and I think many of you readers may agree with me (it’s ok if you don’t). As a single gal, if I went Vegas and partied it up hard and woke up next to single of versions of

Him

Idris Elba

Idris Elba

OR Him

Charlie Hunnam

Charlie Hunnam

 

or HIM

Boris Kodjoe

Boris Kodjoe

 

OR HIM/HER (your choice)!!!!

Insert Hottie

and they were STD free, wanted to stay married to me in a monogamous, friends with benies situation, provide for me, AND have a baby with me. I’d be hard-pressed not to say “yes” without hesitation. LOOK AT THEM!!!!

Like our heroine, Megan, I would question it, because, come on, a beautiful, sexy, wealthy, smart man who marries someone on a whim and doesn’t regret it the next day would raise some flags that I think I might be able to get over.

Sorry, I landed in an Idris, Boris, and Charlie day dream…back to the book!

Megan, broken from one too many bad relationships decides to forgo the “happily ever after” and get right to the baby by being artificially inseminated. In Las Vegas at her cousin’s bachelorette party, with two other alleged “friends” who make fun of her constantly and make her wear a t-shirt that reads, “Got Sperm?” Megan and co. spot a handsome dude at the bar. After drunkenly flashing him some leg, and being goaded by said “friends” she asks him to walk out of with her so it looks like they were leaving together. Connor, fresh from a split with is fiance is intrigued by this “brainiac beauty” and figures she could be fun for the night. They hang out and over the course of the night get drunker. Connor learns that Megan wasn’t into love or relationships and of her plans to be artificially inseminated.  He thinks he is hot, funny, smart and sweet (an actual quote from the book). Tired of dealing with the constant emotional chow-chow that comes from being in a relationship, Connor thinks he hit the jackpot and literally picks her up and carts her off to a chapel.

This is the part of the story that amuses me and I can related to the most because basically, Megan is on what I like to call autopilot. When you drink way too much and your normal, rational self takes a siesta while the crazy, wild, fun you takes the wheel and you don’t remember parts of your day/night. It’s called “browning out” on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (check out the Who Got Dee Pregnant episode on Netflix…very funny).

So this guy ends up thinking she is this super cool, secure, and definitely has no interest in a relationship.

Once out of her “brown state”, Megan is rightfully suspicious of the deal this handsome, rich stranger whom she is magnetically attracted to is offers her the joys of marriage without the emotional entanglement. After some heavy petting and verbal coaxing, Megan acquiesces, but with a stipulation of no sex.

At this point Megan and Connor enter into a series of Doris Day/Rock Hudson vignettes.

Rock and Doris

Megan, determined to run Connor off by exposing all of her flaws; like not being able to cook, and wearing a gross  face mask. Of course to Connor, he sees this as a challenge and is determined to win Megan’s trust and break the no sex rule. He eats the crappy food and ignores the horrible face masks. In the process we learn that Megan has daddy abandonment issues from and Connor has all sorts of parental issues that have cause his distance and love avoidance.

Throughout the book, Connor acts like he is super into Megan. He showers her with compliments, flirts incessantly, his internal monologue also displays his attraction for Megan and her sexy lip biting (I blame Twilight for this!) and, he introduces her to his personal and work colleagues  who also validate that, “this one is different”. Sure enough, Megan lets her walls down and begins to believe that her relationship with Connor is real; they have sex regularly and start to plan a romantic honeymoon. Once Connor realizes that Megan is in love with him (you will have to read the book to find out this happens), he pumps the breaks.

He can’t believe how she could have developed feelings? Gee, I don’t know? Perhaps acting like you like the person could have the tendency to make then think that you do?!  Pretty greedy Connor!!  Way to get her to trust you so you could get your rocks off! He, like some men (see I didn’t say all or most) seemed to be more into the chase and ran screaming when his plan backfired.

Holy crap! I just realized this is sort of a take on Pretty Woman as well! Think about it. An emotion-free transaction between a prostitute with a heart of gold and a handsome, rich businessman with love avoidance issues. Well we know how that turned out!

In the end, as is the formula, Megan now deeply in love with Connor who she knows will never love her back decides to leave.

There is some odd back and forth; including a drunken scene as the book ends in typical rom-com fashion (again, you will have to read the book or Mallory’s post to see how these two get back together…I did :-P).

There are some delicious rom-com-y quotes throughout the book, these were my faves:

o   “That smile was the kind women got lost in while trying to unravel its mystery”( page 16)

o   “Not usually his type, but for whatever reason, there was something about the look of this one” (page 21)

o   “…she was an unfinished project. A deal hovering on the brink of closure. Damn it, she was an itch yet to be scratched”( page 132)

Waking Up Married has the bones of the standard romance novel, with some modern twists that made it less predictable than I thought it would be. I found myself wanting to see how it ended because every time thought I had it figured out, I was off!

If you are sitting on a beach (boats, rivers and lakes…a body of water), on a subway, on a short flight, at the doctor’s office, or bored at work this is a quick read that won’t have you wishing you hadn’t wasted the last 4 hours of your life. If you live for love, then any romance novel is the novel for you, especially this one :-).

Rating: 3 out of 5 trashy roses

trash roses

 

 *Lovingly reviewed by Tam

 

 

 

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